It’s mine.

We finally are nearing the end of going through my aunts things. She passed in April and it’s now September. Crazy, I know…but there was so much stuff in her house.

The one thing that I have memories of from my childhood is this jewelry box. I remember where it sat in her bedroom and I remember being told it wasn’t a toy. It’s not sitting in my kitchen waiting for me to get some brushes and clean the flowers. My mom cleaned it as best she could, and I knew it would be hard for her to get the dust out of the flowers.

I start a short vacation on the 9th, so this is my project for my vacation. I’m going to clean the flowers and hopefully figure out how to clean the inside. The inside of it has a red piece of velvet that has a lot of dust stuck to it. The dancing girl also fell off the spring, so I’m going to try to glue it back in place.

I know this is a short and odd post, but I just wanted to post something.

While I’m A Slug…

We’ve been lucky enough to have 90 degree weather off and on. I say that because of people I know saying it’s 110+ where they live. Working in a kitchen though, that 90 quickly feels like 110+ when you have two ovens, a smoker and a tilt skillet all on at the same time. With that being said when I get home I want to do nothing besides find the coolest place in the house and become a slug for the rest of the night. Sometimes I do come home and find my way to the pool.

While I’m being a slug I’m usually watching something. Lately I’ve been really into watching series, which makes me feel horrible because there’s so many movies I need to catch up on…and I may have subscribed to Horror Pack again. So that does not help my problem at all. It’s a good problem to have though, right?

So, here’s things I’ve been a slug to…

Bar Rescue – I think I have my mom to kind of blame this on because I think she watched it when I lived with her. Plus amazon had a deal on the paramount network, and I think I’m going to keep it because I’m barely through Bar Rescue and there are other things on there that I want to watch.

This is one of those shows that I can put on and do things without missing major points. He goes in to failing bars and tries to rescue them – some of them I wouldn’t personally waste my time trying to save though and there’s already one episode I’ve watched where it was his second time at that bar. Thankfully he didn’t rescue that bar again and was helping those working there to find other work.

The Murder Tapes – I think I’ve wrote about this show before. Somehow there are episodes I’m behind on! I really enjoy this show because they use actual footage from investigations.

Hell’s Kitchen – The new season has already started, which I thought was pretty quick after the last one. This season is “young guns”. So far I don’t have one person picked out as a favorite, usually I do a couple episodes in but it’s hard this season.

Master Chef – I love Master Chef. This season is weird. They have legends of the culinary world coming to be guest judges for each episode.

Rick and Morty – Another show that just started a new season! We waited a couple weeks to start watching it so we had more than one episode, that’s how we’re going to do it with this show.

When I’m in the pool being a slug I usually take my speaker outside and listen to some podcasts. I also listen to them on my way to & from work.

Morning Cup Of Murder – I found this podcast at random and I went back a whole year to listen to episodes. I’m up to date now. The episodes are at the most around 10 minutes and each episode has some connection to the date. One episode every day.

Counter Clock – This is a new podcast. I’m listening to season 3, which is weird because there are two other seasons. I started with season 3 because I was listening to something dealing with the Pelley family and they suggested Counter Clock. I am going to go back and listen to the other two seasons. I’m on episode 17 of 20, so I’m almost there.

Small Business Jar

Hey all! I know it’s been a long time since I’ve wrote anything or even visited other blogs. I needed the time with myself (& family) to deal with my aunts passing and everything that goes along with that. The oddest thing is all the craft items that we’ve had to go through and figure out if it’s worth keeping or throwing out. With that said my (craft) room is tore apart. I’m in the process of getting rid of this extra desk I have, so I can put shelves where it’s at. I need somewhere to put fabric.

So, days before my aunt passed away I seen someone online talking about how they wrote down online small businesses on pieces of paper and put them in a bowl. They would pick from the bowl and buy from that shop. Well, me being extra, I made a jar.

This was the jar before I added a load more names. It was to the top of the jar. I follow a lot of small business accounts on Instagram, so I just went through who I follow. I made a document with all the names, printed it out and cut them apart. I’ve ordered from four shops so far. I’ve kind of slacked off a little on doing it, but I wanted to have all my open orders before ordering more. So, here’s what I’ve ordered & the shops I’ve ordered the items from.

I’ve been looking for a new belt that I can wear at my nature waist. The problem is how small my nature waist is. I’ve also wanted a harness. The other issue is that most of those items are made from leather. These are made from VEGAN LEATHER! This shop is Jenny Machete. Her items are made to order, meaning she doesn’t have a stockpile of items hanging out in a room so it takes time to get your items. I think I waited a little less than 2 weeks to receive my items. I’ve been horrible and haven’t taken any pictures wearing these items. A few days after I got them I injured my back and I spent 2 weeks laying around, now it seems to be raining every day. I promise I will take pictures wearing these items before the end of the month! The harness and belt are both very good quality and I think I’m going to get a lot of wear out of them. You can get a range of colors, I picked red because…it’s my favorite color. She also makes these cute coffin shaped phone holsters – which I’m considering buying. Right now (June 13) she does have her shop closed so she can catch up on orders, but it’s worth the wait for her shop to reopen.

In this jar I made, there are shops of every kind. This one is for Ash. You all know I wouldn’t go through the whole jar without getting him something. This shop is Corrine’s Craft Shop! She makes crocheted items. Right now (June 13) she’s working on restocking her shop. I was lucky enough to order before she had to do a restock and I’m hoping she’s going to do a restock of this thing I ordered because I know some other cats that need them. It’s a kitty titty! Yes, it’s a catnip filled titty. Ash started with it on the second floor and it is now in the living room. She lays with it while we watch TV. The exciting news is that she’s going to start selling boob pillows! I have two brothers, so I’m pretty sure I know what they’re getting for Christmas.

I think this item was the first one I ordered using the jar. Yes, they’re dildo earrings. I haven’t wore them yet. I was going to the other night when we went out for dinner, but I was running late due to just getting home from work. These are so cute. The shop I ordered them from is GermJewelry. This shop has a lot of fun earrings. I’m kind of sad I missed the pride dildo keychains! I’m hoping they stick around so I can order one of one. And the fun part is, you can order mix and match earrings.

I like nature. I like jewelry. So here’s the purchase from Nature Bone Studio. A glass mushroom necklace. I don’t have any necklaces that are glass, so this is a great addition to my out of control jewelry collection. I know the picture if kind of bad, but the detail on the bottom of the stem is just amazing. I used to go mushroom hunting with my aunt, so this kind of has a big meaning to me. I haven’t wore it yet either.

This is going to be a fun adventure to empty the jar! If you have any favorite small businesses let me know! In theory the jar will never be empty and I’ll continue to add to it.

Also, I think the jar needs a name.

Sunrise, Sunset.

I know I kind of dropped off the map since my last blog post. If you follow me on any social media, you know why I’ve been MIA on here.

On April 20th, my dad found my aunt laying in her bed. She had passed away at some point while she was sleeping. We now know, she passed away within hours of my dad finding her. My dad went to her house because my mom had not heard from her and when she tried to call, my mom found that her message box was full – which is totally unlike my aunt. My aunt had been ill over the past few days, but it seemed to be nothing more then the flu (not covid, don’t worry). Saying her passing came to us as a shock is an understatement. I was at work when my mom called me and I left work. I got home, changed my clothes and my boyfriend took the rest of the day off (he’s still working from home) & we went to my mom’s.

Now the more shocking part of this all, is being left with a hoarder situation that we have to clean up. It’s honestly a nightmare, and while cleaning her house it’s clear she was not well mentally. Seeing how a family member lives, seeing that there is only a small path to walk from the living room, to the bathroom and ending in the bedroom…there are no words for it. I know my mom is taking is especially hard because she didn’t know how bad it was, to be fair none of us did. My aunt wouldn’t ask for help, that’s the kind of person she was. Stubborn.

It has been years since I was really at her house. My younger brother though seemed to pop in from time to time (he lives within minutes of the property my mom, aunt & older brother live on). I guess though the past couple times he was there, she wouldn’t let him inside. We know why now.

Of course I’ve had my cry. The week after she passed away I think I cried at least once a day. It’s just hard to believe.

Growing up my aunt was the one personal I spent 90% of my time with. For my birthday last year and Christmas this year she made little towels for me to use in my bakery. During Easter she was asking me how to order glasses, I’ve been ordering glasses off a website for a few years. Now, there won’t be any more of that.

My aunt was also spending a lot of time with my niece, who will only be 10 at the end of May. The night my brother and mom told her they did a video chat with me after. You could tell my niece was crying at some point. She wanted to tell me about her day and what she ate. Nothing about my aunt. I’ve been able to spend a little time with her due to me being down there and helping everyone to clean the house.

When it comes to the house we’re not even half way done. Though last week nothing was really done due to the weather not being great. We had one dumpster, and we have to get another. While cleaning we’ve found family pictures, loads of books, and craft items that you could open a store with. Sadly we’re not finding any of the important documents or family items.

My brothers and I did make a joke that the will must be a scavenger hunt. We said that because growing up, for our birthdays (& Easter) you would have a scavenger hunt to find your gift. When she had Halloween parties the night would end with a huge scavenger hunt.

I’m not going to lie. I feel guilty. I wasn’t there. we weren’t as close as we once was. I moved 45 minutes away, I’m in a happy & healthy relationship, and I’ve thrown myself into work. I didn’t check on her. I didn’t ask my mom to check on her. I wasn’t there for her like she was there for me. I just wish this feeling would go away.

Just a little D…depression

I’m still here. I haven’t vanished. I’ve been dealing with a mixture of anxiety and depression. This leads me to crawl into my hole kind of and do some weird things. Meaning lots of movies and starting projects I’ll never finish. So this post is going to be picture heavy just showing the random crap I’ve been doing or trying to do to keep my head above water.

I’ve been working toward changing frames over to one kind of frame. Meaning I’ve had a lot of stuff just laying around on the floor. I finally ordered what I needed to hang most of the pictures up, so I’ve been slowly adding things to my walls again. Once I have my room (craft room) totally finished I’m going to post a video of a tour. Right now everything from the closet is still laying on the bed due to it leaking in the winter, and I’m still looking for a nice daybed or even a small couch for my room.

Anyways my craft room had a lot going on. Most of the pictures I’ve either bought at cons or random artists I find who I like. Autographs are mostly from the Bam horror box. I currently have a pile of promotional pictures from a few different Friday The 13th movies that I’m going to be putting in a portfolio and I just bought an original press kit from Tank Girl.

I started a bunch of bowties for cats/dogs. I only have a handful finished, this is Ash modeling one that has ice cream on it. I still have a pile by my sewing machine that need finished. I also have a pile of pet bandanas that need pressed and the top stitch finished.

This wreath has been a pain in my ass for nearly 2 weeks. I bought 2 rolls of mesh (60 feet) and that wasn’t enough. I had to go back and buy another roll. So there is 90 feet of mesh on this thing. I still have to finish it though. I painted wooden doughnuts to add to it and I’m going to put a wood piece with a saying in the middle of it. I don’t really do wreaths based on season. I just make a new one whenever the one we have is looking sad.

My mom did give me a garbage bag full of metal wreath forms though, so this mean I already have the next one in my brain, but after the pain this one has been to make I’m going to hold off until at least June to make the next one.

Easter is coming up and I debated on doing this: making Easter bags for those people I work with. As you can see, I ended up caving in. This is where OCD comes in. I count out every candy to how many bags I’m making. I write on the baggie how many of that piece goes in one bag. I’m also doing Easter baskets for my niece and nephew, so I have separate bags for their candy.

This is Thomas. A flower I bought a week ago and I haven’t killed it. Which is super surprising. I’m not great with plants. I thought maybe naming the plant would help…and maybe it has. I’m not sure.

I hope everyone is taking care of themselves. I know a lot of the states are opening vaccines up to everyone within the coming weeks. Ohio opens it up tomorrow to everyone. We’re trying to get an appointment as soon as possible. My mom received her first dose last week. She ended up with a fever that got up to 100.2, but it did go down and she said she just had a headache and felt a little tired after that. So now that I know someone who is related to me had those side effects with the first dose, I’m not as worried with it now. I know though even with me getting the vaccine I’m not going to rip my mask off and refuse to wear it. I’m waiting until a large portion has received the vaccine – 85% at least. Those of us who started wearing a mask in March of last year….we’re fucking tired. We’re not giving up, we’re just disappointed in those who haven’t been following any health guidelines at all. I’ve still been wearing a mask at work – even when it’s warm in the kitchen.

I also think this had something to do with my depression and I’ve noticed when I’m grocery shopping and there’s a lot of people my anxiety starts to kick in. When that happens I kind of play with my ear for some reason or just put both of my hands on my head.

I promise I’m going to return comments this week. It’s just going to take me a minute to do it.

Care For Yourself

Self care is something we’re seeing a lot of people talking about lately. It’s not a fad, it’s something you should be doing. Just taking a little time to yourself and saying a few affirmations will make you feel better in general. Right now the world is just crazy and I know it makes me feel a whole range of emotions when I look at what’s going on. If you don’t know where to start with self care, I have some ideas for you. Self care is meant for you to focus on YOU. If you take a little time to focus on you, you’ll be able to focus on others when that time comes.

Don’t look at how someone else does their self care and think you’re doing it wrong because you do it differently. Everybody is different, so there is no cookie-cutter way to do self care. It’s about YOU and what makes YOU feel lifted up. Some people don’t like a spa night, but they love a great hike.

Affirmations

Saying a little positive thing about yourself will help you push through the day, or even start the day off on a great foot. I know I beat myself up all the time. I have anxiety and deal with depression, so I’m always saying (in my head) I’m not good enough, that other person is better then me, I just suck. Affirmations will help you see the good in you, see what’s true about you! You can say these out loud to yourself in the mirror or get a small journal and write them down. Here’s a few ideas:

  • Everything will get done
  • My friends like me for who I am.
  • I am funny.
  • I have a great butt.
  • I am intelligent
  • I am not perfect and that’s okay.
  • I love my body.
  • I like me. I love me.
  • I am beautiful.
  • My thoughts matter.
  • My feelings matter.
  • I believe in me.
  • I will stop thinking about past events.
  • I am brave, bold and beautiful.
  • I am in love with myself & my body.
  • I am proud of myself.
  • I am worthy.
  • Today is going to be a good day.
  • Today is a fresh day.
  • I am talented.
  • I am free of worry and regret.
  • I am grateful for all I have.
  • Today I will learn and grow.
  • I was not made to give up.
  • My possibilities are endless.
  • I feel full of life.
  • I am at peace with my past.
  • I am a powerful BADASS!

There are a few types of affirmations – personality to friendship. Use whatever ones you need to. Make your own!

Self-Care Activities

This is where the “time-out” for yourself comes in. These are just all small things you can do to care for yourself and just yourself for a little bit. You’re not being selfish when you do any of these things, you’re caring for yourself.

  • Light your favorite candle (Where do I get my favorite candles? Kirkland’s!)
  • Jam out! Make a playlist of your favorite songs and turn it up!
  • Buy yourself (Or pick some) fresh flowers.
  • Nail day – gather your favorite nail products and do your nails! (DashingDiva offers great nail strips, if you have a hard time painting your nails – like me!)
  • Journal
  • Try a new hobby
  • Walk in nature
  • Spa day! (This is what I do every Saturday night!)
  • Cook your favorite meal
  • Watch your favorite movie with your favorite snacks
  • Order food
  • Clean out your wardrobe
  • Draw or color
  • Read a book
  • Buy yourself something new
  • DIY Project
  • Create a seasonal bucket list
  • Take a nap
  • Hang out with your pet
  • Call a friend
  • Unplug!

Remember, these are just suggestions. I hope these suggestions will help you find a way to take part in self-care. We all need to be happy and healthy this year!

We made it!

We’ve all made it to 2021! I think we’ve all learned a lot over the past year. Good, bad and ugly things. I hope everyone is still social distancing, wearing masks and being understanding toward others. I’m not saying washing hands because that’s something that you should have been doing long before the pandemic.

Continue reading “We made it!”

Keeping Busy

These past weeks have been hard for everyone. I realized yesterday I’ve been out of work since the 23rd of March. It honestly didn’t seem that long. Yes, as many people I am one who has been part of a mass layoff. I’m also in Ohio, we’ve been on a stay at home order since around the same time. It was suppose to end Monday, but was extended to the end of April. I honestly see it going past that even. Kids have been out of school, everything is closed and stores are limiting the number of people allowed in at a time. I have been able to keep myself busy at home though! My boyfriend has still been working, but working from home. For the most part during the day I hang out with the cat and deal with a hobby or two of mine. We still have dinner the same time and find something to do together at night.

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Kitchen Memories Push Me

I love baking. I’m pretty sure it’s no secret. The fact that I have a pan of brownies cooling right now kind of proves that.

Baking helps you release all the stress that builds up. It’s a creative outlet too. Another reason to bake – personally – is the fact that it connects me with my family. So many of my memories (as many people) food is involved.

Continue reading “Kitchen Memories Push Me”