Sunrise, Sunset.

I know I kind of dropped off the map since my last blog post. If you follow me on any social media, you know why I’ve been MIA on here.

On April 20th, my dad found my aunt laying in her bed. She had passed away at some point while she was sleeping. We now know, she passed away within hours of my dad finding her. My dad went to her house because my mom had not heard from her and when she tried to call, my mom found that her message box was full – which is totally unlike my aunt. My aunt had been ill over the past few days, but it seemed to be nothing more then the flu (not covid, don’t worry). Saying her passing came to us as a shock is an understatement. I was at work when my mom called me and I left work. I got home, changed my clothes and my boyfriend took the rest of the day off (he’s still working from home) & we went to my mom’s.

Now the more shocking part of this all, is being left with a hoarder situation that we have to clean up. It’s honestly a nightmare, and while cleaning her house it’s clear she was not well mentally. Seeing how a family member lives, seeing that there is only a small path to walk from the living room, to the bathroom and ending in the bedroom…there are no words for it. I know my mom is taking is especially hard because she didn’t know how bad it was, to be fair none of us did. My aunt wouldn’t ask for help, that’s the kind of person she was. Stubborn.

It has been years since I was really at her house. My younger brother though seemed to pop in from time to time (he lives within minutes of the property my mom, aunt & older brother live on). I guess though the past couple times he was there, she wouldn’t let him inside. We know why now.

Of course I’ve had my cry. The week after she passed away I think I cried at least once a day. It’s just hard to believe.

Growing up my aunt was the one personal I spent 90% of my time with. For my birthday last year and Christmas this year she made little towels for me to use in my bakery. During Easter she was asking me how to order glasses, I’ve been ordering glasses off a website for a few years. Now, there won’t be any more of that.

My aunt was also spending a lot of time with my niece, who will only be 10 at the end of May. The night my brother and mom told her they did a video chat with me after. You could tell my niece was crying at some point. She wanted to tell me about her day and what she ate. Nothing about my aunt. I’ve been able to spend a little time with her due to me being down there and helping everyone to clean the house.

When it comes to the house we’re not even half way done. Though last week nothing was really done due to the weather not being great. We had one dumpster, and we have to get another. While cleaning we’ve found family pictures, loads of books, and craft items that you could open a store with. Sadly we’re not finding any of the important documents or family items.

My brothers and I did make a joke that the will must be a scavenger hunt. We said that because growing up, for our birthdays (& Easter) you would have a scavenger hunt to find your gift. When she had Halloween parties the night would end with a huge scavenger hunt.

I’m not going to lie. I feel guilty. I wasn’t there. we weren’t as close as we once was. I moved 45 minutes away, I’m in a happy & healthy relationship, and I’ve thrown myself into work. I didn’t check on her. I didn’t ask my mom to check on her. I wasn’t there for her like she was there for me. I just wish this feeling would go away.